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Why I stepped back from full-time teaching in the Gulf
5 things us Africans want you to know about our continent!
Stop using Black & brown children as photo props
Dear Desi woman getting married... here are the things no one is telling you
Visiting Shuweihat Island in Abu Dhabi
Abu Dhabi vs. Kuwait: Middle Eastern Truths
A truthful letter about teaching abroad...
A letter to my next husband: reflections on marrying again
Prepping & packing
Finding shared interests: the struggle of modern relationships

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A South African Teacher's Adventures In & Out of the Global Classroom

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About me
Travel Destinations
- The Middle East
  - Oman
  - Qatar
  - Bahrain
  - Jordan
  - United Arab Emirates
  - Iran
- Asia
  - Sri Lanka
  - India
  - Laos
  - Myanmar (Burma)
  - Nepal
  - Maldives
  - Turkey
- Europe
  - Austria
  - Czech Republic
  - Serbia
  - Slovenia
  - Croatia
  - France
  - Ireland
- Africa
  - Tanzania
  - Swaziland
  - Kenya
  - Egypt
  - Tunisia
  - Seychelles
- Caucasus
- South America
  - Brazil
  - Argentina
  - Paraguay
  - Uruguay
  - Chile
  - Peru
Life in Kuwait
Life in the UAE
Teaching Abroad

About me
Travel Destinations
- The Middle East
  - Oman
  - Qatar
  - Bahrain
  - Jordan
  - United Arab Emirates
  - Iran
- Asia
  - Sri Lanka
  - India
  - Laos
  - Myanmar (Burma)
  - Nepal
  - Maldives
  - Turkey
- Europe
  - Austria
  - Czech Republic
  - Serbia
  - Slovenia
  - Croatia
  - France
  - Ireland
- Africa
  - Tanzania
  - Swaziland
  - Kenya
  - Egypt
  - Tunisia
  - Seychelles
- Caucasus
- South America
  - Brazil
  - Argentina
  - Paraguay
  - Uruguay
  - Chile
  - Peru
Life in Kuwait
Life in the UAE
Teaching Abroad

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A 🐼 navigating the 🌎
🔹 Made in South Africa & teaching in Dubai 🇦🇪
🔸 Discussing truths about travel & expat life 🙇🏽‍♀️
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⌛️In the desi culture the most prevalent sayin

⌛️In the desi culture the most prevalent saying is: “When you marry someone, you marry their entire family”⏳
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So surely if we are going by this, when someone new is entering the family, EVERYONE plays a part in ensuring smooth family dynamics? 👀
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Most religions lay out that there is no difference between a man and woman and thus, a marriage is between equals. Why then, is there a burden on only girls to have to change or to adjust to their “new family”? Why can’t we- as women- be accepted for who we are instead of being ostracized for not performing to a preordained expectation of how we should behave as a daughter-in-law?
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When a daughter in law enters the family, it’s important to realise that she has a lot less power in the family dynamic than others. Not only must the husband step up and ensure his wife’s ease within the transition but the parents in law should do the same as well, staying away from criticism and “suggestions”. Rather, there should be an emphasis on acceptance and making her feel welcome whether you’re all living together or not🤷🏾‍♀️
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The two sides will clash when the modern woman with the postgraduate degree refuses to sign up for lifetime of flipping chapatis in the kitchen under the critical gaze of her mother-in-law. Both parties need to compromise and be understanding of each other💡
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If you notice that your sister in law is having a hard time, be her ally. You have power to intervene and it’s likely you can say things directly to your parents without losing their love. She cannot🙅🏾‍♀️
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It’s not the burden of only 1 person to ensure a smooth transition when a daughter in law enters the family. Everyone should play a part. As a new bride you’ll grow and evolve into your new role and new family. There will be challenges and compromises to be made and as long as everything comes from a place of love, don’t allow your ego to get the better of you. Always remember that you don’t have to like your in-laws but there should be mutual respect ✊🏾
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I conclude this topic tomorrow. What do you think? Is it only one person’s responsibility to shift their perspective when a marriage happens? 🙇🏻

😈Does your culture demonise mothers in law?👿

😈Does your culture demonise mothers in law?👿
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Stereotyped as a "control freak", the desi mother-in-law is the butt of many unkind jokes. She's a commanding figure, wresting power from her daughter-in-law, and keeping a firm control over her son and the joint family household. But is this also reality? 🧐
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I personally know many of you who have pleasant relationships with their in-laws. So the stereotype does not apply for everyone. But at the same time, I also know people whose marriage broke down due to an interfering mother in law and women who suffer in silence as their behaviour is constantly criticised. Someone DMed saying she had to give up her job because the mother in law kept whispering to her son that his wife would “end up sleeping with all the men in the office” 😳
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But why do these incidences even occur? Is it because women in desi culture have little autonomy? They often go from father’s home to husband’s home exchanging one set of rules for the next. Then once the daughter loses her mother-in-law and becomes one herself, she believes she is in the position to do whatever she wants. It seems to be about finally finding power in a family. And sometimes her only role model is her predecessor, who likely treated her badly. It’s a vicious cycle 🤭
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Others argue that desi mothers believe they can maintain positions of authority by controlling their sons’ marriages. There’s a fear of letting go as sons should take care of their parents for life. Many desi mothers raise their boys with the notion of ‘I know when you get married you are going to turn against me and your wife will tell you bad things about me,’ so they’ve been raised to defend their mothers before they meet this future wife🤦🏻‍♂️
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Girls are also told from a young age to behave appropriately or “What will your future mother in law think?” This sets the stage for someone critical & scary before the girl even meets a potential partner🤦🏾‍♀️
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I am going to continue this topic tomorrow. Does your culture also have an “evil mother in law” stereotype? What’s the reason for these behaviours & attitudes? 🧐

🚨 Not everyone you lose is a loss 🚨

🚨 Not everyone you lose is a loss 🚨

🌍New Blog Post: 5 Things Us Africans Want You t

🌍New Blog Post: 5 Things Us Africans Want You to Know about Our Continent 🌍
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I’ve gritted my teeth for many years when reading articles about African countries written by people who went on 3 safaris and then felt qualified to comment on crime rates & economic inequalities. Why don’t we have actual people from African countries writing about African issues? How many times do we see Africa being reduced to one big country of disease and poverty filled with other stereotypes & cliches? Too often right? So in today’s post I challenge these misconceptions and tackle some of the important topics 🙇🏽‍♀️
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I discuss the problem with reducing a continent to a large land of animals instead of focusing on the nuanced linguistic, ethnic & cultural differences between each country. I lay out how crime in Africa is an imaginary concept because a blanket statement doesn’t apply to each country. I focus on the emerging middle class, how negative notions cause economic downfall on economies that rely on tourism and why being black doesn’t mean you automatically fit into an African community- no matter how much you may want want to 🤷🏾‍♀️
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Give the post a read. Find it at the latest post tab from the link in my bio. There’s even additional articles & studies that are hyperlinked for your further understanding. Then let’s discuss- what’s something you’ve always wanted to know about the African continent that you’ve been to afraid to ask? My fellow Africans- what’s one thing you want others to know about our continent & countries? 💁🏾‍♀️

✴️Stop complaining that your kids are lying to

✴️Stop complaining that your kids are lying to you about the lives they lead... they hear you judging others harshly & are lying to protect themselves from the same fate✴️
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Recently I’ve had a few messages asking me how I deal with people in the desi community judging my relationship or the choices I’ve made. The photo above encapsulates how concerned we are. To summarise: I don’t give them my energy or time. I shut down conversations with people who choose to shame & judge me because I chose to be with someone that’s not my race/culture and that we decided to live together before getting married. Since I am not out there harming people with my choices, I have nothing to be ashamed of ❌
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What’s the worst the people in the community are going to do? Tell my parents? Well they already know and gave us their blessings sooo.... 😂 It baffles me how people have so much time on their hands to judge others and lose sleep over their decisions. If I’m living a peaceful, happy life with someone I love, what’s it to them? I hope these obsolete mindsets can shift so that young people in our community don’t have to lead double lives & lie to their parents 🛑 .
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Think about the things you say about others. If your words aren’t bringing any value or goodness into the world, maybe it’s time to keep quiet 🤫

T H I R T Y O N E 🥳 . . I don’t know who ne

T H I R T Y O N E 🥳
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but so far, my thirties have been far better than my twenties 😼
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The fear of getting older is nothing but an advertisement for cars & skin care 🧖🏾‍♀️
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Trust me. Situations will come & go but you will get better at almost everything over time 💕
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My birthday wish for this year- as it is every year- is not just to wish me happy birthday; rather, leave me a detail about your life so we can get to know each other/catch up! What did you get better at during lockdown? What’s your goals for the rest of 2020? Any new job opportunities/love interests/lifestyle shifts coming up? Let me know in the comments below! Each of you has put your mark on who I am, but it gets harder every year to keep in touch with every awesome friend all over the planet (and that’s even without a pandemic) 🧡
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I promise to update you on my life very soon too! 😇 I look forward to these personal updates, but if you’d rather not, I’ll also accept shameless flattery, bubble tea or a large cupcake 🧁 🤗

☝🏾I HATE when I ask someone why they behave/t

☝🏾I HATE when I ask someone why they behave/think a certain way and they respond with “because thats just how its always been”. Especially from people of MY generation 👇🏾
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If there is one thing I’ve learned from my own experiences with toxic societal norms, saying “this is how we have always done it” is the most powerful sentence used to maintain the status quo. How can you have strong opinions about equality and then switch off your logical thinking when it comes to culture? 🌚
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I think its very important for women to start realizing that its also the little things we do that strengthens the misogyny in our culture. Whether that is being more excited about a boy baby than a girl baby, accepting that we have to wait until marriage to actually live our lives or expecting our daughters to help out with household chores while sons sit on the sofa watching Netflix. It the small changes that will make a huge impact in the long run 💫
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Thank you very much for overwhelming support & love of my ‘micro-aggressions against desi women’ IG series. We discussed a lot, dissected more and most importantly, personal stories were shared which allowed me to get know you all better 💕 You can read all the posts using this hashtag: #pandaquestionsculture
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Remember that you can always shift, change and alter ways of thinking so that toxic cultural norms end with YOU. Make a statement! Be the change you want to see 👏🏽 .
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P. S. I’m open to tackling more topics in the future; if you have an idea, suggestion or story you’d like to share, please DM me 💌

⚠️Micro-aggressions against desi women part 6⚠️ .
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❎Men are not held under the same scrutiny when it's time to meet the family ❎
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When couples introduce their partners to their families, announce their engagement or agree to an arranged marriage, the lens is always far harsher on the female counterpart in the relationship. Everything is analysed from her colouring (can't be too dark), her education level (not too qualified), her past relationships (she dated how many boys?), the clothes she wears (why is she showing her arms?), her hobbies (travelling? She must stop gallivanting once she is married!), the village of her ancestors (I kid you not) , her ancestral language and oh so many more useless variables 😶
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In contrast, if the man is the right colour, seems to earn some money & follows the same religion, he's welcomed into the family and given royalty status. We don't ask the important questions about men- how does he handle his anger? Does he have a violent streak? Can he be possessive/controlling? Why did his previous relationships end? In an era where domestic violence, sexual abuse & rape are prevalent within the home, these are questions worth asking. And yes these things happen even if the culture denies their existence, hiding behind victim shaming, denial, traditions and religious teachings of 'wives having to obey husbands' 📢
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So why aren't we examining men with the same harsh attitude that we use to critique women about things that don't even matter in the long run? Why are we not asking the difficult questions before the marriage instead of telling the woman to keep the peace and fulfill her duties as a wife- no matter the cost? 🤐 #pandaquestionsculture

⚠️Micro-aggressions against desi women part 5

⚠️Micro-aggressions against desi women part 5 ⚠️
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❎You can earn your own money but not if it threatens a man❎ .
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When my ex husband asked me for a divorce, he couldn’t give me any reasons for his request, just kept evading the question of “Why?” But when we discussed it with his family, his father bluntly said to me, “Its because you are working abroad. You are the main breadwinner, the more successful one. People know you earn more than him. How can a man be expected to have a wife like that?” My parents & I looked at each other. It had never been an issue in our family of who earned more. As a family, we simply didn’t know how to process that 🤯
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I was confused- did my professional success meant that I was no longer capable of being a wife? Bear in mind that I had always earned more than my ex-husband; he just didn’t know it previously. It was only when I started accepting jobs abroad and thus OTHER people would know that I earned more than him that it became an issue. My parents made sacrifices their entire lives to make sure that I received the highest level of education they could afford. So I knew I was not going to squander that; and that I was never going to be able to accept less than what I was worth in order to make a man happy. Inevitably, the marriage ended and my career thrived 👩🏻‍🏫
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As a woman, talking about your job or your salary is looked down upon. You can never be too vocal about your professional goals and ambitions. People say things like “She thinks she’s too good now that she’s working” or “She’s letting money go to her head”. I’ve heard these comments before about others and about myself 🤯 You need to downplay your successes in order to keep the image that a man can be the only one to achieve professional successes 😫
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Why are we bothering to send females to school at all if we are only going to place limits on what they can achieve with their education? I simply don’t understand how a woman’s success threatens a relationship… if someone is doing well professionally then surely we should be happy for that person regardless of their gender? 🤔 #pandaquestionsculture

⚠️Micro-aggressions against desi women part 4⚠️
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. ❎Family events are far more stressful for women than for men❎
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One of the normal things when I was growing up was going for a family gatherings (like birthdays or religious events) and seeing the different roles & expectations for men and women. Men basically had to show up. That was it. The fact that they attended was touted as an achievement in itself. But for women, the whole thing was an ordeal. As a female your day starts by choosing what you want to wear ensuring that it doesn’t offend anyone- something with sleeves, something long, nothing too tight, nothing too low…🙄
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Then you as a female- are expected to join the other females in cooking, setting the table, serving the men and cleaning up between courses. While the men sit and do NOTHING. In 2016 I attended my last family event where I sat watching this usual procedure taking place, enduring the usual racist, sexist and irrelevant conversations fraught with gossip and thought, “This is not how I want my future to look” 🙅🏾‍♀️ (And thankfully, 4 years later it doesn’t look anything like that).
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Why is a family occasion such a different experience for different genders? Why are the roles and expectations of women & men at these events on opposite ends of the spectrum? Most importantly, why do we allow for, encourage and accept the laziness of men in our culture? 💁🏾‍♀️

💥Just because YOU didn’t experience something

💥Just because YOU didn’t experience something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen 💥
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We are halfway through my “Micro-aggressions against desi women” series (YAY 🌚) The responses have been overwhelming, some new faces are here & I’ve heard so many stories from all of you (thank you for sharing!). The posts have been seen by over 52,000 people 🥰
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I’ve also had feedback where people said to me “Oh I think you’re mistaken, this doesn’t still happen” or “I’ve never heard of this going on”. Again, if you’ve been privileged enough not to endure an injustice, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Every person is different and every person’s experiences depend on many varying factors. These are my observations & perspectives which I hope we can all learn from instead of living in denial or sweeping under the carpet 🧹 .
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If you’re new here because you’re enjoying the series, WELCOME 👋🏽 Also a big thank you to all the people unfollowed me- I LOVE when the trash takes itself out 🗑 Some conservatives felt affronted but as I’ve said before, I’m not insulting anyone’s life choices- just showing that we need to be accepting of EVERYONE’S life choices even if they don’t fit the acceptable norms 🧐
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The series continues tomorrow; this week we will tackle topics like- family events, the laziness of men in the culture, how the earning potential of women is stunted and why the harsh scrutiny we impose on women before marriage should also be used to question men 🔔 Leave a heart in the comments below if you’re enjoying the series! ♥️

⚠️Micro-aggressions against desi women part 3⚠️
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❎The obvious step after high school and college is marriage followed swiftly by kids❎
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When my fourth year of university was drawing to a close, my father asked me, “Well what’s next? Masters or marriage?” Bearing in mind that my parents are well educated and progressive in many ways, I was rather taken aback that I was still expected to put my graduation cap on and then attend my wedding reception the next day 👩🏽‍🎓👰🏽 I was 21 when I was asked this. I realized that there was no way I could get married at that age. I had ambition and a strong belief that life was about more than just marriage and children even though not a single person around me had ever proved me right. 4 months later I moved to South Korea, started my career of teaching abroad and began travelling solo to different countries. It was a scandal in the community and even my social circle (who were mostly married & pregnant by that point). But 11,000kms away and scandals in the community stopped mattering to me 🙄
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By contrast I noticed that men were not consistently harassed at every family event about when they were going to get married. When they announced that they wanted to continue studying, are looking for a job, starting a business or beginning an internship & sometimes even, going to work abroad, it was ALWAYS met with hearty congratulations and a declaration of how ‘responsible he is about his life & career’. But when a woman did the same, there was shock and confusion- “But how will she find a husband now? No one wants a ‘modern’ girl! She is bringing shame upon her family!” 🤯
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When men do get married, no one ever badgers them about when they’re having kids. There’s no snide comments, veiled remarks or outright suggestions that children should be had and as soon as possible. The woman always bears the brunt of this scrutiny as if getting pregnant is something she can do alone 🤰🏾
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Why do we encourage men to live the lives they want to lead and praise them for it? But simultaneously shame women for just aspiring to lead lives that don’t follow the steps of school-college-marriage-kids?

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